9. Hermit the Frog

Luck would have it that I would encounter someone that fit that profile from the prophecy when I was taking organic chemistry over Zoom University one summer.

He was charming, funny, and smart, with glasses to boot, and came from a different cultural background. Yet somehow, he seemed interested in lil’ old me. Go figure. In my head, it was honestly too good to be true. His childish humor ignited something in me that had been asleep for a long time. There was that ✨glimmer✨ that told me I was falling hard. We quickly added each other on social media when we discovered that we were placed, by chance, in the same breakout rooms for group assignments. We were zoom-crossed lovers with our little squares serving as windows we would use to secretly peer at each other during class. When our first midterm results came back, which I completely bombed, the mad genius who clearly got a better score than me did the touching gesture of putting himself down to make me feel better. Me, with my rose-tinted glasses on, told him he didn’t need to do that, since we both wanted each other to succeed. He seemed happy with my response.

At one point during the class, his personal life fell apart, yet he was unable to drop the class. His broken hand rendered him handicapped for taking notes in such a fast-paced class. The codependent in me decided this was the perfect opportunity to help someone in need. As I started melting into him through the screen, my note-taking hand could become his as well, happy to enmesh with his needs. I emailed all my notes to him to ensure he didn’t miss any information as he sorted out his chaos, just like Drew did numerous times for me.

One day, he suddenly notified me that he would be coming to my city. I was ECSTATIC to finally meet him in person!!! Thank goodness that he took this first step, since if it were up to me, nothing more would become of our existing friendship. When he finally arrived, the meeting was simply magical, especially on our starlit night walk. We both shared deeply personal stories with each other, though never crossing the line of friendship. I thought to myself how this must be true love, as love has no boundaries. I finally found someone that was my mirror, and who down the line, could hold all my secrets since he saw me. Suddenly, he confessed to me,

“I just know that in the next year, I will find the love of my life, and we will get married when I graduate.”

I was giddy with joy, since at 22 years old, he must’ve been referring to me when I turned 23, even if he didn’t know it yet. He told me how he could see I was a smart and honest person who would fight for what I believed was right, even if the world was against me. I felt blessed to be seen as so virtuous and strong in his eyes, since all I could see in myself was a labile and spineless grifter always at the mercy of the people around me. Though I didn’t admit it at the time, I was already entranced by him.

I decided that if he were the guy the prophecy was referring to, it was worth it for me to visit him in his city of residence. When I arrived, I gave him the hard copy of the notes I had taken for him so many miles away. He was clearly touched by my generosity. To return the gesture, he invited me into his car to see the city. As he pulled his car out of the driveway, I leaned forwards, looking at the side view mirror on the passenger side to ensure no one was out back. I was surprised when he asked me to sit back since I was blocking his view. Drew had reprimanded me many times in the car for not looking out for them when they were driving us around, so I quickly learned to accommodate.

We decided to watch a movie at noon. It was perfect, just the two of us in an old vintage movie theater surrounded by a sea of empty burgundy seats. Since he had gotten a giant bucket of popcorn for the two of us, I balanced it on the arm rest between our seats. No matter how sore my arm felt, I was determined to hold it just right for him, so he could enjoy the movie. I was happy to be of service to him and take care of any miniscule need of his I could anticipate.

In the evening, we decided to get Korean barbecue for dinner, when he suddenly pulled the rug from underneath me.

“It’s such a good thing that we’re just friends, since I would NEVER take a girl I actually like to KBBQ!”

Uh-huh…. Wait, WHAT? Oh. My. God. This guy’s an asshole. I drove three hours over to his city of residence, for THIS? He certainly ticks the box for distasteful. I’d leave now if I could, but I’m trapped in his car. Guess I’ll have to ride this one out. I decided at that moment that I would play along so I could break his heart later. Great maturity on my part.

“Indeed, it is a good thing that we’re just friends,” I retorted back. As he held out his right fist, I fist-bumped him back to play along with his little game.

Throughout the evening, he made many moves to dismiss my presence to see how I would react. I caught every single one and held my ground, clearly impressing him. When he stopped grilling the food to see if I would endlessly serve him, I paused, and let the meat sear. I’ll show him that I was a strong-minded, independent woman that saw the little game he was playing. The smoke drifted up between where we sat, enveloping us as we sat across from each other and stared each other down. He finally gave up, picked up the food with his chopsticks, and offered it to me. Self-righteous me told him that he could have the cooked meat, because unlike him, I had restraint. After a night of shenanigans, he walked me back to my car with a water bottle and told me that he would love to visit me in my city soon. It seemed like he had finally found his match. I was hoping to never see him again, shaken by the turn of events.

Okay, that’s a lie. Though I felt bamboozled, some warped side of me started entertaining the idea of playing cat-and-mouse with him. If being a codependent servant couldn’t win him over, then maybe playing hard to get could. Slipping into the skin of a woman with a diamond heart felt like a better alternative than a broken-hearted naive girl who was falling for someone that was using negging tactics to ensure she knew her place. My pride chose the former for me, so I continued playing along.

After I returned to my city, whenever he texted me, I wouldn’t answer. That’ll show him, I’d tell myself. He couldn’t capture my heart that easily. He soon got sincerely worried I was leaving him behind and called me. Cue the emotionally high I got from “winning” that battle.

“I’m sorry I’ve been so busy, the lab’s been ramping up for this next school year,” I sheepishly responded instead of being direct.

“You have no idea… When I was at my new church this Sunday, I felt as if the Holy Ghost had possessed me. I cried in front of so many people, and I never do that. It’s strange, but, ever since meeting you, things have been… aligning…”

Aligning… Could it be? Was it really my Cinderella moment, where I had finally found my true love after a lifetime of seeking? Do I get the chance to live in the fairytale I always wanted? I thought to myself that perhaps he was feeling disembodied after I abandoned him, but he was using a religious lens to rationalize what he was going through. After all, I was officially unsubscribed from religion when Drew had me quit Sunday school since it wasn’t necessary in developing my future. Why need God when I had Drew?

I continued playing 5-D chess with him to keep him around, and in my deranged head, I was tantalizing his intrigue. Whenever he reached out again, I was sure to take a couple hours, if not days, if I felt like responding. I would only give him a reply if he was on “good behavior.” I wanted to ensure that every love battle we engaged in I won. So when he sent me a video showcasing creative ways of swearing people out, I had to clap back.

Lure him in, then sink him. That was my game plan in getting him hooked, to make him as cerebrally addicted to me as I was to him. I relished every little bread-crumb of attention he gave me, no matter if the interaction was positive or negative. The fact that he was putting in effort to engage with me had to mean something, didn’t it?

Though I knew the prophecy running in the back of my mind was propelling this dysfunctional tryst, I never revealed to him that I hoped he would fill that role in the story I wrote for myself. I rationalized that if I ever spoke of my true intentions and of the prophecy, it would never come true. Please, just stay with me in my fantasy world a little longer, so that I can avoid my painful reality. I thought that if he were truly The One, he would keep pursuing me, just as the fortune teller promised. But in the end, he wouldn’t be able to fulfill that promise.

8. Lonely Hearts Club

10. To Be Human