2. Playing God

“What’s this? A C- on your dictation exam?! That’s it! I’ll be accompanying you to school to make sure you don’t flunk your next test!!!”

Eight-year-old me suddenly felt responsible for Drew’s outburst of anxiety, even though initially I hadn’t given much thought to the fact that I was underperforming in one of my weekly extra-curriculars. I was proud that up to that point I was able to maintain straight A’s at my private school alongside singing, art, dance, theater, foreign language, abacus, gymnastics, ice skating, swimming, Olympic math, horse-back riding, and chess. When they heard another girl at the ice-skating rink was doing eight extracurriculars a week, I needed to out-perform her and do twelve. It was a dog eat dog world we lived in. I was their little hero, to compensate for the fact that I wasn’t a boy. But clearly, as my homework got more demanding, I was struggling to keep up.

In fact, I was so exhausted after seven hours of school and three more hours of extracurriculars every day that all I wanted to do when I got home was sleep. Sleep helped me escape the current reality I was living in.

The next week in foreign language school, Drew kept their word and attended class with me. As the teacher read out this week’s dictation, I noticed them scribbling something down on a sheet of paper, and then proceeded to slide it over to me.

“Write that down, now.”

I didn’t want to. As my stomach dropped, I thought about how I was an honest kid, and in no way did I want to be a cheater.

“No,” I whispered under my breath, teeth clenched.

“Are you stupid? Other kids would die for this opportunity. If you truly knew what was best for you, you would do as I say. Now WRITE.”

We were causing a scene in the back of the class, and I saw all my classmates occasionally turn their heads glancing at us bickering before they quickly darted their eyes back to their papers.

Mortified, and feeling like I had no other choice, I obliged my caregiver and quickly copied down their words. My soul escaped my body, head spinning after committing my first transgression.

When class was over, and other children were waiting to be picked up, I ran over to my friend.

“You know… I cheated on that last exam.”

“Really? You? But you’re one of the most honest people I know!”

I didn’t want to disappoint my friend.

“You know what… you’re right! I was just joking, gotcha good, didn’t I?!?”

“Dang, you almost had me! Well, I’ll see you next week in class!”

Sadly, that was just the beginning of how my life became a lie.

1. The State of Dreaming

3. The Family Jewels